Welcome to my eclectic journey of my life and delights. This year my theme is surrendering my writing pen to the true author, Jesus Christ, while looking forward to the future, reflecting on the past and dancing through my journey.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Most Horrible Mom Award!

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I am sure I am not the only one who has received the "most horrible mommy award" from the Liar of Lies.

This week I received it with pounds of condemnation, which pushed down any sight of having done anything right in my 28 years of parenting.  The attack came so strongly I wanted to turn my "mommy" title in for a refund.

As a young mother, I had all those wonderful dreams for my children that we all dream.  They could become President of the United States or the next Billy Graham.  I would invest in anything that I felt would propel them forward...curriculum, music lessons, sports, summer camps, missions trips....you name it.

This week, all those sacrifices seemed to have no value as I put on the "Worst Mommy" cape and walked in tears.  The glasses of doubt and disappointment were shading my view.

It started because, once again, I couldn't be at my daughter-in-law's surgery, two hundred miles away.  Our son would, once again, wait as the skillful doctors took his wife away for another procedure to help their infertility issues.  Her mother had made the trip to the city and others of her family would also arrive, so my son wouldn't be alone.  I could only pray from my home, four hours away, while attending to my two younger sons.

The attack began and the fight was on. The enemy ran me through dusty trails of regret and condemnation.   I would take a blow from the enemy, and then I would give one back. Like the children's toy punching bag, we went back and forth.

I started to run up this hill that was challenging me, both physically and spiritually

I decided to run...well, in my case that means fast walk, jog and fast walk again.  I headed out the door while the humid air announced the approaching storm.

God sent His reassurance through His creation, through His written words and the songs blasting into my heart and spirit from my ear buds.

Here is the walk/jog...the words...the fight........the results!!!  "There is therefore no condemnation for those who are  in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1
Here is how God wrapped this "worst mommy" up in His arms, with these sights, sounds and words.  Now the words came from funny sources, but God once used a donkey in His Word, so he can use songs.
The gravel beneath my feet
As I cried out for the surgery and baby-to-be while along the trails, these words were sung:
You waved your hand and it was done
Said "Let it be", and there it was
A mountain, so high, it broke through the sky
A canyon, so deep, it'll bring a man to his knees

I've seen what you can do
I've seen you make miracles and hopeless dreams come true
You've made the heavens and the stars
Everything, come on, how hard
Could it be?

Song by Rascal Flatts 

As I cried out about not being there and feeling like a failure - struggling up this hill, God revealed this view, making the effort worth it

You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright, you'll be alright

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand

Song by Rascal Flatts - Stand

He invited me to sit down and soak in His Words 

 I  swiftly walked back down the trails, coming to the divided path...yes, that is how life is...always roads of choices.  I picked the wrong one, making my journey home longer...now that is life also. Yet, His wonderful creation was there on the longer path.

I had to cross a bridge...as the fight started to be won, because He has already won the war on my behalf...my feet started to jog with a lighter heart.

I started to feel the dust of condemning lies fall off my shoulders, revealing the new life bursting forth.

The trails finished with this warning sign.......returning to the traffic of life. God met me... the victory was won... and lies shattered.  Now it is my responsibility to embrace the truth.  I finished with Casting Crowns.

The Word is Alive

The Word is alive
And it cuts like a sword through the darkness
With a message of life to the hopeless and afraid
Breathing life into all who believe
The Word is alive
And the world and its glories will fade
But His truth, it will not pass away
It remains yesterday and forever the same
The Word is alive

My daughter-in-law's surgery went well, we are all very hopeful. I let go of my "worst mommy cape" and nailed it to the cross!  He shed His blood for all my sins.  John 3:14-16

31 Joining in with more words:

Unknown said...

Oh sweet friend I can never see you wearing the worst mommy award cape! Sometimes we can not be where we think we need to be and yet God has a very reason for that. I know your son knows from the kind of mom you are that you were fighting this battle they are up against in prayer and how much that meant to both of them. I know that with all we have been through both good and bad my parents always wanted to be near us and couldn't be-it has made me stronger, especially in my walk with God-sometimes He was the only one I had to lean on and there is no better place for us to be! Praying for you today, I hope today is full of "mommy blessings" things that make your heart smile. Wish I was there to hug your neck and tell you in person what a blessing you have been to me in so many ways.
I love you sweet friend-I am glad you have hung that cape up on the cross-God is too. :) Did you notice in the picture near the water in the trees that there is a smaller tree kind of sideways that looked like a cross?! So cool.

Lorie said...

You can't have the award...it's mine.

Praising God for His comfort and the beautiful ways he spoke truth to your heart.

Thanks for sharing your journey and reminding us of His love.


Karen said...

Oh Janette. I'm so glad you recognized that condemnation for what it was...a lie from the enemy.

It doesn't always make it easier though when you're walking (walk fast/jog :) ) through it.

Getting out into God's creation is such a great way to feel his Presence & hear his Voice. I'm so glad He spoke to you.

And, I'm glad to hear your daughter-in-law's surgery went well. I will keep them in my prayers.

Debbie said...

Oh Janette if I told you how many times I have worn that cape you would be truly amazed. We both need to leave it nailed up there on that cross...I wonder sometimes why I bother putting it on when I KNOW the enemy is the one who is handing it to me? How he loved to defeat us. And yet, how wonderful to know that greater is He who is in us, then he who is in the world! I am soo glad you were able to go on your fast walk and take that cape right off and put it where it belongs. You are SUCH a GOOD GOOD mom, and trust me, your kids know how blessed they are. I am praying this surgery does the trick and that all of your prayers for a baby will be granted soon. Giving you a big hug today!! Debbie

no spring chicken said...

Wow. You are really something at bringing the point home. I was with you, huffing and puffing, stopping and appreciating, pressing and listening then finally nailing...

Now I'm praying with you once again Janette... Lord, baby. Please.

Blessings, Debbie

Karen said...

What a great race you run with HIS strength. I wish I would allow the LORD to fight for me, as you did. I usually wrap up in the cape and through up a white flag to the one who is attacking. So glad to hear surgery went well. (p.s. ~ hope you are jogging in a safe place)

Farm Girl said...

Oh I hate worst when the Father of Lies has his field day. I am so glad you were able to turn it around these songs, and God's word. I think of all the things that are the hardest it is having family at home and not being able to be there for the grown ones. It makes life so difficult. But God knew this before hand and He made you into a prayer warrior.
It was one of those weeks here. In fact I woke up having a nightmare about words that came that attacked my Christianity and decisions I made years ago, with all of the force of a tornado.
I have prayed, begged and read God's word. It may not have been the worst Mommy award but the word,
"preacher peccadilloes." Was used about me. It shakes up everything in me to the core.
So we get up and go on.
One of the wonderful reminders this week was, " I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, that your fruit should remain."
John 15 :16
I will keep you in my prayers.

Mary said...

you are a warrior!!

i sometimes forget we are in a battle...and the enemy really wants to destroy us. thank you for letting us get a glimpse of your process of fighting those lies with the truth.

that we need to be alert and engaged.

that the battle IS WON! for sure, but we still need to be aware and ready.

God is faithful!

much love to you!

Patty Marker said...

Why do we let him even get a foothold into our thoughts? He is the perfecter of all lies and he was feeding you a doozy. Our God is so amazing and you are so wise to run to Him to fight the battle. We are no match for the enemy on our own but with our Father the victory is guaranteed. I am so glad you found victory in the Truth dear friend. I pray the surgery will do the trick. Have a wonderful weekend, Patty

Vee said...

So glad that you got that worked through. When you shared the view at the top of the hill, did you see the cross? I saw it immediately and wondered if you'd talk about it, though if you did, I didn't catch it. May your son and his wife know all the blessings that God has in store for them! You, too, Janette!

Thoughts for the day said...

wow... you wrote beautiful deep words and I know God heard your cries.
take care and God be with you and your dreams ...

Anonymous said...

Oh, what a wonderful post! I was right there with you - only it was my son having surgery for testicular cancer four years ago! I was stuck in NJ and he was in MA and why wasn't I dropping everything and running there? I wasn't able to get there til a couple months later when he was just coming to the end of his chemo. He was glad I wasn't there - he didn't want ME to be worried seeing him battling in the rough time. So - we have the Lord Who sees all and binds us together miles apart via prayer. My son's in-laws are a huge clan and he had plenty of support. He was healed in record time and two years later got the news that his wife was pregnant. Miracles - even when mommy isn't there to manage them.

Blessings to you and your family - and may there be good tidings of great joy just around the corner!


P.S. The Pinterest thing is a bit daunting now. Not sure what to really look for in relation to my pins. Do I have to click on all of them to check to see if I can keep them? Ya! Just another thing to schedule. Think I'll get the taxes done first, though . . .

Petra said...

Oh, I've had many most horrible mom awards, over things much worse than not being there. But you're right, God is still faithful, still good, still able! I had to learn the hard way that I was not my children's savior, Christ is!!

I also love your trail! I have one very similar near our house. For a moment I thought you must live next door.

Blessings, my friend!

GratefulPrayerThankfulHeart said...

What an wonderful post! I think I will return often to reread this post!

Currently in a hospital room with our daughter Jamie. She has been readmitted for preclampsia. John brought her newborn in as she is allowed to stay with her mom.

I had the same situation when I delivered my last child. It didn't start until after delivery. Took a couple of months but my bp went down. I was very scared.

Rebecca said...

I believe I've walked that very same trail, Janette! Well, not the "physical" one...(I would have remembered that blue bench - blue being my current, favorite color).

From my safe place here, miles away from you, I can assure you that THIS is not a circumstance you are responsible for. But by the end of your trail, I think you came to that place of release.

I'm praying for an outcome that will result in God's glory and the good of all involved. And peaceful, quiet hearts.

Susan Nowell @ My Place to Yours said...

Oh, Janette, just when we think we can't take any more, God helps us press on. I know you wanted to be there with your son and daughter-in-law, and I wish you could have been, but I am so thankful you fought back with Truth and finished strong. There's no telling what this experience is preparing you for, but I am certain God will bless your choice to hang up that cape. Leave it at the cross, friend... I'm thankful the surgery went well and continue to ask God's richest blessings for your family.

Lisa said...

I know your son and DIL felt your spirit and your prayers embracing them...lifting them up. Thanks for sharing your experience with something we all struggle with.
PS Agreeing with you in prayer for your new grandbaby.:)


It would be so disappointing not to be with your son on such a difficult day. I am so glad that you are not longer letting the enemy tell you that you are a bad mom. Glad you listened to God's prompting instead.


Christine said...

Oh, Faithful one...

Sally said...

Way to put on the armor of God and wield the sword of truth.

Sue Anne McKinney said...

sTanDInG up wITH yOu!!!! So glad you pushed through!!!

Pom Pom said...

What a powerful post, Janette.
Praying for a sweet baby.

Nancy said...

Glory to God...Your words show us how us how to fight the fight and win....Spending time with the Father and letting Him fight the fight and encourage you all at the same time....WOW what a mighty God we serve.....

I am so glad the surgery went well...Who knows who will read your words today and win a battle that they would have otherwise lost....

Susannah said...

Awesome, Janette! The Lord hears our prayers.

You're such a GREAT Mom... don't ever doubt that.

Warm hugs, e-Mom

NanaNor's said...

Hi Janette, Great thought provoking post! Love each photo too.
Have a wonderful weekend dear one, and thanks for always sharing Truth with us.
Hugs, Noreen

Sharon said...


You have no idea how encouraging this post was for me. Thank you for your honesty - I always appreciate that in you.

I especially liked how you worded it - "as the fight started to be won." That sums up how I feel today - the fight is starting to be won.

Thanks for your prayers.

And I am overjoyed to hear that your DIL's surgery went smoothly. Now let's see what the Lord does!!


Chris said...

Hi Janette, just stopping by to say how delightful your blog is. Thanks so much for sharing. I have recently found your blog and am now following you, and will visit often. Please stop by my blog and perhaps you would like to follow me also. Have a wonderful day. Hugs, Chris

Cecilia Marie Pulliam said...

Oh, Janette, your post touched my heart. I too have worn the Most Horrible Mom Award when I could not get home for important events, particularly the birth of my daughter's first child. Your post has helped me see where the accusation is coming from. It isn't from God. Thank you, thank you for sharing your struggle with us. So happy your daughter-in-law is doing well. Blessings to you, Janette!

Marsha Young said...

May the Lord bless you for this post. Just this morning I was feeling like a "failed mom" - and yes, I too have to watch and pray, only from 10 hours away. It is very hard!

Glad you shared this run and view and encouragement with all of us struggling with our own "mom issues."

Blessings to you - Marsha

Leslie @ Farm Fresh Fun said...

Love ya lots girlfriend! Praying for your daughter in love and son.

Sarah Jane said...

You are so far from being the "most horrible mom!" It's amazing how the enemy knows exactly where to make us hurt and believe his lies. We are SO blessed to have you praying without ceasing on our behalf! This journey is not easy, but oh how comforting it has been to know the doors of heaven have been pounded by your prayers (and the prayers of your faithful blog followers). You are so encouraging, so patient, and are always turning or eyes and hearts back to the Lord. I'm grateful the Lord reminded you He is not a God of condemnation. I pray He continues to shower you with His love and woo with His kindness. I love you so much!

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