|Father's Day 2010|
My "spirit" said he is okay while my "flesh" battled over the "vain speculations" of "what if". I had recently received word that a friend my age was now a widow. Which would dominate, my flesh or my spirit? I struggled with sleep, listening for every breath or touching my man of thirty years.
The following day I relaxed into my route while still hearing his blood pressure hadn't dropped. As the second night brought its darkness I sat listening for my Lord's voice. My brain rushed through my writings on Mommy's Piggy Tales and I was prompted to remove a diary from its 30 year occupied hiding place. I reached in the drawer to remove a young girl's writings.
Most of the pages were empty with a few pages of drama of a newly turned 15 year old girl's life. The year was 1976 and I was finishing my freshman year of high school. As I flipped through these 80% empty pages I stumbled up my writings on July 2. Scribbled at the top were just a few words.
July 2, 1976 – Went to Dallas to the Youth Convention, it was a blast. "Truth" was great and so were the speakers. I met the greatest guy in the world, Bill Wright.
I had forgotten when we met. It wasn't a common boy girl meeting because he was seven years older than I. Did I write that? I never mentioned him again in my diary, but I also never knew life without him from that moment forward.
We wouldn't date until years later and then married.
The tears flowed from my eyes as my Heavenly Father wrapped me in his arms with the reminder – I knew you in your mother's womb, I knew you would marry the man you said was the "greatest guy in the world", I knew you would eventually move to Dallas and that you would be setting here scared about your husband's health. I am here and I knew!
The balm of Gilead coated my fears as I held my own words in my hand while soaking in the awe of a God who Loves me! Bravo, Bravo, God!
A visit to the doctor revealed what was going on. There will have to be some life changes, but today I am at peace. God Knows Me and He is aware of the circumstances. He knew when I needed to be reminded that I am in His hands. He will be with me to calm my fears as I keep my eyes on Him for courage.