Welcome to my eclectic journey of my life and delights. This year my theme is surrendering my writing pen to the true author, Jesus Christ, while looking forward to the future, reflecting on the past and dancing through my journey.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

I Can Not

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I woke to my brain rattling in my head...yes that is what is does when it has been in overdrive for weeks.  My husband tells me to turn it off, but when we are in a challenging situation, it runs on overtime.

I was trying to slow it down...to release all the dollar figures floating through my brain.  Trying to trust and not fear about what tomorrow would hold.  Trying to see how far I can stretch the remaining dollars before I was going to need a Moses experience of water from a rock and quail from heaven, when I got still enough to read my devotional.

My nature is to be calm in things I know I can't control...accidents, health, the choices my children make, the choices others make, but when I feel it is something that I should have control over....like finances,  then my trust seems to slip into my logical world.  The truth is I have no more control over this journey than I do any of the others.  God gentle reminded me of my position in Him....I felt the held in breath release with these word.

I cannot save and sanctify myself;
I cannot make atonement for sin;
I cannot redeem the world;
I cannot right what is impure;
or make holy what is unholy.
This is all the sovereign work of God. He made the perfect atonement for sin.
Oswald Chambers - Utmost for His Highest

Devotional two reminded me also.

Why do so many people think God is punishing them?  Who gets blamed when things go wrong?

God always wants what is best for us.  God says let go of sin and evil because of what sin does to us- not because of what He will do to us.
The Ultimate Self-Help Book Proverbs - 

We all live in a fallen world and struggles fall on the righteous and unrighteous. As our pastor has shared so many times through his cancer...He can, He will and Even if He doesn't I will still praise Him.  Our pastor had walked a life that should have prevented cancer...organic food, exercise, the specimen of health, and yet he had brain cancer.  

The economy is the same way for so many people today.  No matter how you prepared you couldn't have planned for all this fallen world would throw at you.  Another lesson in releasing control to Him and His economy were brought through time spent with him.

Phil 4:19 May God supply all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

Breathing easier, as I allow the word to soak away my logic....my anxiousness...and replace it with the truth, we enter another week of looking forward to the promise land and not looking back to Egypt.  

14 Joining in with more words:

Angela said...

Love you and praying:)

Debbie said...

Oh Janette can I ever relate to all of this. I too am always the calm one in a crisis. My family calls me when something major happens and expect me to calmly lead them through it. I felt an unnatural peace during my cancer journey, but things I feel I SHOULD control? A completely different issue. And money problems are definitely one of them. I have found myself lying awake at times going over figures in my mind etc. Your right, today's economy effects just everything. I made the decision to drop my women's group yesterday (so I won't be going this morning) as gas in California is almost 5 dollars a gallon! It would cost me almost 30 dollars to drive to San Diego and back...just ridiculous. We are already doing this on Sun., so twice is just too excessive. Over the last 3 years we have seen things happen that I never dreamed would occur. Especially at this stage of our lives. And yet.... I can tell you while we have had to make MANY changes, God IS faithful. Somehow the money always rolls in when we need it most. I know you know all these things, and I know how hard it is to be in your position and not panic (from very personal experience) but God WILL supply your needs. And maybe in ways you never dreamed of. I am praying for you Janette, and I will just keep at it. Feel free to email me anytime at all with more specific request or to just vent if you would like. Hugs to you!!

Farm Girl said...

It is all so true this morning Janette. I don't know why I can somehow out think God and figure this out. I just want to get to that place where my trust is so great, that I will trust God and know He is only doing our best.
I will continue to pray for you as you walk though this trial.

Sonja said...

And in the meantime, your manna is being supplied one day at a time. :)

This kind of faith is what God loves, and we are all blessed as wesee you trusting... I can't wait to see how he works this whole thing out.

Praying and trusting with you.


Debbie Petras said...

You are learning to trust the Lord every single day. Like our wise friend Sonja wrote "your manna is being supplied one day at a time".

Yes, this life has challenges we never hoped or dreamed of. But God ...

Interesting that I wrote about perspective in the midst of life's challenges today on Heart Choices. What do others see in us as we go through these challenges? Sometimes God allows it so that we can grow. And sometimes He wants others to see our trust in Him. That may be just the thing that causes them to ask how you do it and then you have the answer. His name is Jesus!

I'm praying for you and your family Janette.


Rebecca said...

"Therefore seeing we are surrounded by such a Great Cloud of Witnesses..."

What a great mental picture you have painted with your words - NOT looking back to Egypt & moving forward to the Promised Land!

There WILL be streams in the dessert and (and Sonja pointed out) manna, one day at a time. Gather what you need TODAY. And tomorrow's will be here tomorrow...

Sarah (Nikki) said...

I can so relate too. i'm a doer and keep trying at something until I totally exhaust myself... And when I finally let Go...amazingly He takes over and everything comes together. Wish I'd get that sooner though instead of frustrating myself so much

Lea also known as "CiCi" said...

Oh, Jeanette, my heart just breaks for you. We all know that HE holds our tomorrows and that He will provide for us, but it is so very hard when we are in the midst of it. You are such an inspiration and I pray the Lord's peace will surround you during this difficult time. Love to you!

Debbie said...

Yes and Amen! You know that I can relate all too well to the temptation to let my mind race as you describe and the ability to overcome it only through the One who controls it all. Tried to write about it recently, but I still have bloggers block. Maybe the reason for that is that God knew that YOU could say it so much better!

I loved this part, too:
"God always wants what is best for us. God says let go of sin and evil because of what sin does to us- not because of what He will do to us."

Just please don't ever forget that there are people out there like me (and my husband) who are interceding for you daily by name.

Patty@Lemon Lane Cottage said...

It looks like we are in similar places over different things but both, depending and trusting a good and loving god. Thank you for sharing from your heart...your words were just what I needed this morning.

Canadagirl said...

Praying for you my SSiC. As you know I too have been dealing with this issue. Let us uphold each other in prayer. May the Lord bless you with backdoor provision. That is where He provides what you need and gives it in a way you didn't expect.

Love you my SSiC
Blessings and ((HUGS))

Diana Ferguson said...

Such good words to remember !!

Leslie @ Farm Fresh Fun said...

I am praying for you and your beautiful family. You and God CAN do anything.
Lots of L<3VE and (((hugs)))

Cecilia Marie Pulliam said...

Janette, you have put into words what I have long felt: total responsibility for our finances. Yes, we are to be good stewards, but there are many things we cannot control, such as layoffs. That is where God steps in. And He will. We might feel like biting our nails while we wait, but He will provide. (He even paid my car insurance once in a way that was beyond amazing (see my post on Lilies on my blog if you want the whole story). So, He will provide everything you need, and sometimes He even gives you extras! Prayers for you and your family, Janette.

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