Welcome to my eclectic journey of my life and delights. This year my theme is surrendering my writing pen to the true author, Jesus Christ, while looking forward to the future, reflecting on the past and dancing through my journey.




Sunday, January 22, 2012

The Silent Pain


This photo was taken by our son, Allen, of Benjamin and I for an Anti-Abortion paper he wrote for English in College.


This post is dedicated to Sanctity of Life Week.

Most of us just assume life will go according to some rules.  We will marry our prince charming, establish a home, fill the home with the children we desire, graduate them from college, attend their weddings, bounce grand babies on our knees while enjoying retirement.  Life rarely goes according to our Garden of Eden ideas.  Heaven will hold that perfect vision, not this sin-filled world.

Sometimes in our journey, reality checks come.  You start to see that everything isn't a bed of roses.  Finances haven't turned out how you expected, you walk through miscarriages, a child's rebellion shatters your world, an abuse from the outside world brings you to your knees and God isn't finished with your children, as you watch them struggle.

When your children are struggling and they remain under your roof, one has a false sense of being able to control the struggle.  You continue to release them, but somehow you feel you can cushion the blow.

Our son and daughter-in-law have been married 6 years.  They started out the vision of a young married couple.  She finished her college degree while he established himself in his own business.  They bought a house, cars, fun toys and vacationed.  They gave themselves time to mature while getting to know each other.  Then the day came, like most young couples experience, and the decision to have children was made.

What was not in the plans was infertility.  Everyone around them was having children, both inside and outside of marriage, so how would they have known they had a different path to walk?

Infertility doesn't only hit the couple experiencing it, it hits the whole family.  As my daughter-in-law has experienced one miscarriage and empty arms at this time, so have I.  Each time she hears of another pregnancy, she hurts and each announcement of another grandchild being born, I, too, ache for a grand baby.

In the midst of our family praying through their journey of infertility, we have very close friends dealing with another ache.

Their daughter married one year after our son.  We have known the family since our children were born.  The daughter followed the dream also...waited, got further along in her career and her husband's degree plan and bought a home.  The pregnancy came!  The rejoicing began.  Then the pain that shatters a whole family happened.  The diagnosis for the new baby girl was that she could not live outside the womb.

Both couples are believing Christians, raised in Christian households.  Both couples have surrendered  their trial to the Lord to bring Him glory.  Both couples have dealt with, and still are dealing with "WHY?'  Both sets of grandparents...to-be-grandparents, pray for their children's journey.

Our children are no longer under our roofs.  We can't protect them...but we both know God is Sovereign.

I share all of this in case there is someone who can be encouraged.

My daughter-in-law has started a blog to document their journey... Alien Encounters of the Womb

The story on my side bar is from the Aunt (age 15) of the baby that will be received into heaven upon her birth.  Elise (click to read the Aunt's story of her niece)

All of our prayers are to lift Him up and stand firm on His promises as the journey continues for both families.

May we all remember the Silent Pain that many women walk in everyday.  The empty cradles or infant graves that they deal with each day.  Our world doesn't allow us to walk through life without thorns, and yet we have a Savior that wore the thorns so that we will be perfect, lacking in nothing.


Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. 4 And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.  James 1: 2-4




30 Joining in with more words:

Nancy said...

Oh my, our thoughts have been in the same place today....My son and daughter in love lost their first baby August 29...You might have read my post...She was born alive and lived for 25 minutes and we held her until she died....my husband prayed over her and we all knew she was back home with the Father....She was to be have been born a couple of weeks ago...

My son and his wife were deeply hurt, you know about that, but they were optimistic and eager to try again. But now that four months have gone by and she is not pregnant, they are getting discouraged. I know many will say that's not long but to them it's an eternity....All they know is their arms are empty and the room is not ready......

I trust God to know what's best and it's His decision to give them another or not but that doesn't keep a Mother's heart from hurting for their child.....They trust God too and we all pray for His will to be done with our family whatever that is.....

It helped me today to know that you know my heart and I know yours...we are sisters in Christ...

I will be praying for your children.......

Sonja said...

This post breaks my heart. There are so many hurting hearts, children of God, faithful followers, strong believers, and yet... there is a lot of pain. Thank you for this post Janette, I know it will encourage. You know our son and dil's story... Hodgkins for her, infertility, and yet... God's miracle finally, she is in her 6th month of carrying a snowflake embryo, and they are both feeling the baby kicking. It's going to be a girl... "Gracie". I will not stop praying for your precious ones, their hearts long for their family, and God knows every single pang of pain they feel. He is going to answer.

xo

A multi-dimensional life said...

Prayers to you and yours and to all who struggle with this silent pain. It hurts my heart to think of the loss endured by so many. I pray that God's grace will replace their pain with joy.

Sharon said...

I am incredibly moved by this post. And truly at a loss for words. There are so many "why's" in life - so much pain. My prayers are with your family, and with the other families who grieve so deeply.

I can only add that I am eternally grateful for a God who hears, and bears, our silent pain.

GOD BLESS.

Sandy said...

I am deeply saddened by a story such as this. I am someone who loves babies, all babies. When so many choose not to even give birth to their babies it seems so unfair when those who long for children come into circumstances like this. I have prayed for your son and his wife since you first told me about them and I will continue as well as this other precious couple. Only the Spirit of the living God can bring comfort that is so needed now and I stand believing He will do just that.

Vee said...

May God in His mercy fill their arms with what they long for most. If not, we can trust that his Mercy is as kind as it is painful. Much love to you and your family...

Thoughts for the day said...

This is truly beautiful and so real. Sometimes life gives us hard places to walk through and all we can do and hope for is the courage to go on. Thank you for the reminder...

www.FarmLifeLessons.blogspot.com said...

Janette - my oldest daughter works in Fort Worth, Texas in a fertility clinic, as an Andrology Tech (hope I spelled that correctly...she has her Biology degree from Texas A&M). She finds her job to be much more than a "job." She calls me every week to tell me about a couple that is now expecting a baby because of their assistance. So many women are suffering intensely with this physical and emotional issue that too many people are not apt to discuss. I appreciate you bringing this painful experience to light on a highly personal level, especially in a grand-motherly voice...aching for that grand-baby.

My prayers and thoughts go out with this comment. May God rain down His abundant blessings upon your family.

I always tell myself...the really good news in all things is that God does hear our cries. He hears it all.

Lana

Farm Girl said...

I love that top photo of your and Benjamin. My heart weeps.
You are all in my prayers.

Carol said...

Janette,
A post full of so much truth and thought.
I checked out Sarah Jane's blog. Her heart is beautiful. I know I waited 4 years for Chickie. So hard.

Sue said...

This hits so close to home for me, Susan had 13 miscarriages and was finally told by doctors to not try anymore that she would not be able to carry a baby full term, she now has two beautiful daughters. I am so glad that she did't listen to man but allowed the Holy Spirit to lead and work in her life. For years, I heard her heart's cry, and knew I could not give her the one thing she wanted, but in my heart, I knew God would give her the desire of her heart!
Praying for your family!!
Sue

Petra said...

May God fill this incredible pain with His great peace, love, mercy, and wisdom! I think the Paul Tripp quote from Lost in the Middle is so appropriately encouraging. Love and blessings!

Debbie said...

Oh Janette I am in tears over here. My heart just hurts for you all. How many times I have wished that I could somehow spare one of children of the pain that they must go through sometimes. I think I have shared the story of my oldest son losing his first wife to cancer. She was only 26. He has never really been quite the same. I laid awake at night for months it seemed trying to think of some way I could help him with it all. And yet the answer remained that I could not. The Lord walked him through each stage and of course today he is married again and is the daddy to 5. My daughter I feel is a miracle. Her female problems began at 12 and she has gone through in her young life what many older women will never know. And yet she holds Samuel in her arms now as a true testament that anything is possible with God. I am praying for your son and his young wife. None of us know just what the Lord has in mind for them, but we do know this....his plans are ALWAYS for our good...His best. HUGS!!!

Susan (My Place to Yours) said...

Janette, I read this post early this morning, but I had no words, only a weeping heart. Our family had a 5-day glimpse into the kind of pain your dear friends face, but by God's choices we can't understand, we ended up with a false positive test result -- and eventually a healthy grandbaby. Those 5 days of prayer and "what-ifs" rocked our world and left me with an empathy I had never before felt. I read about the baby shower for Elise, and my heart broke with both pain and pride in the way the family is living out their faith. May God hold them close -- and each of their friends as you minister to them.

As for your own sweet family, we continue to pray...

Joluise said...

Thankyou for sharing this story. It brought tears to my eyes.

My mother lost a baby to cot death before I was born. If she had lived I would have had a sister - the one thing I have always wanted. It still makes me sad and I can't wait to meet her in heaven one day - my big sister I never knew.

Crickit said...

Thank you for this post. I am sorry that your son and daughter in law have experienced this loss as well as you.

I will keep you all in prayer that one day soon God would bring a child into your son and daughter in laws home and make you a grandma.

I have volunteered for the Community Pregnancy Center in my town for many years and the Sanctity of Human Life Sunday is near and dear to my heart. Thanks for mentioning it in this post.

Shanda said...

I remember the months of conceiving and loosing. A painful cycle. I thought I would not make it emotionally. I never brought myself to 'consider it all joy.' Now, I can see how it grew me and allowed me to minister to others but at the time I could see nothing but the pain. I know there are so many that deal with this for MUCH longer periods than I did and my heart goes out to them.

Sarah Jane said...

What a beautiful post!! Thank you so much for thinking of us and praying for us. This journey would be unbearable without encouragement from the body of Christ. I love you!!
sarah jane

Sally said...

This issues touches so many. My niece and her husband have had 5 miscarriages, put in for adoption and are trying to decide how much money they can invest in further testing. My heart aches for her. We, too, waited 12 years for Logan. I know the ache they endure. I pray they all know courage for the days ahead.

Jenny's Heart said...

It was my greatest desire in life to be a mama. It is not meant to be for me. I am barren. The ache and pain in knowing I will never have a child of my own overwhelmed me for a long while. Anger at God consumed me for a bit. Grace from Jesus healed the hurt and enabled me to go on. I still have my bad days and it still smarts when people make comments about something they know nothing of. "you don't want kids?" YES! Of course I do! "you can always adopt..." been there done that both ladies we tried to adopt from at different times decided to abort rather than carry to 9 months for us. That pain I can't imagine ever going through again. I will keep your son and his wife in my prayers.

Debbie said...

Beautiful photo, and an inspired post, Janette. In our family, we've struggled both with infertility with my sister and with the other sorrow too. My BIL and SIL knew in their 7th month that their first little son wouldn't live after delivery. I'll never forget the day he was born, and his mother and father and grandmothers just held him until he took his last breath here on earth.

In this week where we stop and honor the Sanctity of Human Life, I pray that we are EVER and ALWAYS mindful that others around us carry a variety of painful life experiences. And I pray that we don't just remember, but we follow God's example in remembrance and act in faith and intercessory prayer.

Canadagirl said...

Thank you so much for sharing this with us. You are such a blessing my SSiC.

Blessings and ((HUGS))
-Mary

no spring chicken said...

You're right! I am greatly encouraged for reading the beautiful letter by Elise's aunt.

Hugging you through prayers as you wait for the Lord's blessing of grandchildren. In His time.

~~Debbie

Cindy said...

This is a heartache I haven't personally experienced but know people who have. But on Sunday one of our pastors gave a sermon about how, if we could see the future, we'd see how God's plan was always at work. He and his wife tried for 7 years to have children and couldn't so they adopted twice. He then announced that all these years later, his wife is now pregnant. I just sat there in tears. It doesn't always work out that way but the fact that they already had two sweet little children through adoption was grace enough. Now it's grace heaped upon grace.

Lemon Lane Cottage said...

My heart aches for both families. I was one of those who suffered the silent pain of infertility and can still remember each miscarriage and each time someone else got pregnant. We eventually adopted two girls as this was God's plan for us. I now watch my eldest daughter suffer the same pain and my heart aches for her, too. I will certainly hold both families up in prayer, a prayer heard by a gracious and loving Father who never desired for our world to be like this. Praise God he will return one day to reclaim this intended paradise and we will be reunited with our beautiful children and grandchildren for eternity. Much comfort and many blessings to you sweet lady.

Maryann said...

Reading this just makes my heart hurt...sometimes there just isn't any words.
Praying for you and your children and for the family of little Elise.
May God give much peace, mercy and comfort

myletterstoemily said...

dear janette,

i visited sarah jane's blog and loved it. you
must be thrilled to have her for a daughter
in law. she seems so wise and grounded.

i pray for her each night and now am asking
the Lord for a little sarah jane.

blessings,
lea

Debbie said...

My heart is sad for your son and daughter-in-law. As you know, I too experienced infertility despite many years of trying and praying. I was never able to conceive.

My sister got pregnant 13 times and miscarried every time! I think that is even worse to be expectant and then lose the baby.

But the pain is real regardless. I will check out your daughter-in-law's blog. As you know, we have a wonderful blogging community of prayer warriors. We can all encourage one another so well.

Love you,
Debbie

Leslie @ Farm Fresh Fun said...

Praying through my tears.
xoxo

Leslie @ Farm Fresh Fun said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
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